But and Can't – Two Little Words That Can Lead to BIG Problems

But and Can't– Two Little Words That Can Lead to BIG Problems

When dealing with customers, clients and co-workers, do you ever wonder why something you said was like the match that lit the short fuse? Why do people sometimes get angry or frustrated so quickly?

Usually it's the little things we're simply unaware of, such as those two little words: But and Can't.

Even skilled communicators don't always realize how these words create negative feelings.

But is a delete word. It deletes everything that came before it in a sentence. There are times when that might be what you intend to do. Yet most often, particularly with customers, it can create frustration or anger as they feel you've suddenly turned the tables on them.

Can't is what I call a loss word. It makes the listener feel that something they want is slipping away–unless they put up a fight! Think of times when you’ve told a child they can't have something. Remember the reaction you got? That's why it's best to learn how to convey the message, while avoiding that explosive word.

Here are some examples of how you can avoid using the words but and can't::

The Negative Power Approach:
I'd like to be able to do that for you, BUT I won't be able to."
I CAN'T do that because........... What I CAN do is................. Reverse these to put CAN before CAN'T.
We CAN'T get to that until later this afternoon.

Note: Can't sometimes is stated in other ways: That won't work.This would be impossible. and There's no way...

The Positive Power ™ Approach:
I'd like to be able to do that for you, however instead I CAN offer these two options ......
What I CAN offer you are these two options............. Which of these do you think will work better for you?
I CAN ............ The reason I'm unable to do what you asked is .......... This other option works well for customers because............
We CAN get to that later this afternoon.

Note: Instead of but you can often substitute yet or however. In some cases, and will work.

Practice putting CANbefore CAN'Tand eliminate BUT, whenever possible. Restructure sentences to put the good news first, stressing the positive options you have to offer. I guarantee that when you make these small changes, customers, clients and co-workers will feel better about their encounters with you.

Gloria Thomas is the president of Wizard Workforce Development Inc., a Richmond, Virginia based training and consulting firm. Visit the Wizard Inc. website www.wizardinc.com or call 804.674.6111 for more information.